What follows are words that attempt to describe the mystical. Do not gloss over this prose. These words share the principles behind our experience of life. Like the light before it hits a prism, it might not look like anything at first glance. Yet, it hides a vibrant rainbow of depth.
Read this post with an open and relaxed mind.
Think of these words like a solid gold statue covered with plaster. Even though you can only see the plaster on the outside, know that there is priceless gold underneath.
You Can’t Mess Up at Being Human
I told myself I suck at this whole being human game I used to judge myself Anybody else? Still can I thought I wasn’t enough Unwanted and unworthy The least stoic kid in the neighborhood, quick to cry and easy to anger, I traded out emotions so much I was misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder at age of thirteen At times, I was jubilant excitable and fun loving Other times, I sunk into a tar of depression When I was low I lost the ability to love myself Thoughts, like wasps, stung sharply and then throbbed as they echoed in my mind I kept honed memories of when I felt unwanted and aimed them at myself to prove my own inadequacy Aching to feel different, I was determined to fix myself through any means necessary I filled notebooks thousands of affirmations: I love myself I am enough I am worthy I mediated, went to therapy, and threw myself in cold showers Anything and everything that was supposed to work Do you feel like you can never get any of it right? Do you think you are messing up at being human too? It is easier to hold grace for imperfection in anyone except ourselves Why does our mind create an exception when it withholds from us the acceptance and understanding we so desperately desire? An unworthy vision of ourselves looks back in a mirror distorted by shame We weaponize the power of judgment against parts of ourselves who we wish we weren’t Innocently, I hurt myself with my own thinking I couldn’t see past how messed up I thought I was All that time I never stopped to consider that I didn’t need fixing What if I didn’t have to become the perfect version of myself? In fact, my best self isn’t cultivated My best self is who I am when I’m not so focused on how I’m doing Like me, you also have the ability to temporarily forget what you are deep inside. Underneath the not enoughness, you are of an infinite mind Pure understanding Complete connection Oneness Love These are within you always You were born from them, you will return to them, and they animate you continuously moment to moment all your life A natural intelligence, the impersonal space of the infinite beats your heart, heals your cuts, and breathes you It gives you all this and more without condition, often in spite of yourself, and you owe it nothing in return You could not out give infinity anyway Pure giving is its nature Here’s the good news: you can’t mess this being human thing up You certainly have the ability to think you screwed it all up How could you forget those old emotional torments, judgements, fuckups, and the shame you wear around your neck like a slowly constricting noose? Guess what? You are forgiven it already in its entirety Completely! The infinite mind within understands every single action and thought It is incapable of wielding the judgment you innocently use against yourself You don’t mean to hurt yourself with fear, worry, and criticism It is just that the operation of your consciousness makes real your thinking When consciousness uses its neutral power to create for you an energetic reality, You experience your thoughts as a visceral full body experience It is so human to get carried away by the tide of your own thought created feeling There is a innocence in the misuse of painful thoughts made real by consciousness Forgive yourself, as the infinite mind forgives, for any lostness You were simply doing the best you could within the reality you were creating for yourself at the time Allow yourself the love and understanding you don’t realize you withhold Anyway, you are here for the full show of life Like a play on a stage, conflict makes life interesting Even if you do get lost in the drama, you will be found again, eventually . . . because there is a kindness to the infinite mind When you stop holding on to what weighs you down, you are uplifted You were made to float like a hot air balloon, untethered and stripped of sandbags The breath of thought from the infinite mind flames from within, and lifts the basket skyward When you aren’t holding yourself down, you can fly Yet, you are usually unaware when you grasp too tightly to what hurts Painful thoughts are falling knives Don’t reach for any that cut Have gratitude that you feel thinking How else would you know you mind has lost its sacred grounding? Just as physical pain tells you when you use your body in the wrong way Psychological suffering alerts you to when you use your mind in a way that is painful Emotions become friends and guides They reveal your path from suffering when you hear what they are really saying Feelings don’t validate external circumstance Instead, they simply show the quality of your current thinking This is how it feels to have that thought When you truly realize you are grasping, letting go is effortless and obvious Relaxing back into presence is natural It usually happens on its own because holding is an active process You were made to let go A beautiful appeal to the infinite mind: “Please show me where I am still holding on.” Being human is true resilience, and you aren’t getting it all wrong even when you distract yourself away from your own peace Do you know anyone who can really say they have this being human all figured out? Imagine you drop all of that pressure you put on yourself to get being human right You realize the rollercoaster of ups and downs and all of the mistakes were a part of the game You play the game of life with nothing at stake Might it be fun to be completely engaged with living without an ounce of investment in the outcome? Play like you can’t lose because, truly, you have already won No matter how you have lived In the end, you return to the pure understanding and forgiveness of infinite mind “Wasn’t that a kick?” Inbetween, go full out Be human Get messy How nice is it that you don’t have to get it all perfect to live a human life?
This prose is from a work called the Violet book. Read the previous installment. Read the next installment.
This work is based on my own insights, the insights of other teachers, and the work of Sydney Banks and the 3 Principles Understanding. Sydney Banks had a 9th grade education and worked in a factory until he had an elightenement experience. He then became a renouned teacher, speaker, and mystic. Listen to Sydney Banks speak. Learn more about the 3 Principles.
Please help me help more people have a rich experience of life.
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